What are You Doing?

God, I often wonder what You are doing in my life.  I wonder why you and how you are so careful with me.  In my everydayness, you are present.  I see you working right now and I know that it isn't just for today or just for me.  Thank you for being present in my life, always.  Amen.

When our pool closed this summer, I was at a loss.  What was I going to do with all of my time?  How was I going to stay sane with two kids ALL WINTER LONG?  

September came and brought many warm and sunny days.  And, I kept running into the same moms around town, trying to keep busy, trying to make the most of their days at home with small children.  And, so, I got the idea to start a play group.  

Our group is called Park Play Group, as my hope was that we would be able to meet at parks around town for the most of fall...And, really, I didn't think that more than a handful of moms would want to come, so I thought they could come to my house when the weather got bad.  In just a few weeks, I have over 2o moms (and two dads), making for over 35 kids on my list.  Wow.  To say the least, I am thrilled.  But, I am overwhelmed, too.  We don't have a winter home.  We have plans for fun things like zoos and museums, etc., but I want to keep this simple and inexpensive.  So, I have called my PPG counsel to prayer, and I anticipate great things.  

I haven't felt this excited or passionate about anything in such a long time.  I know that God has called me to lead this play group.  I don't know the full reason why, but I know some of the answer.  I need mom friends.  Period.  I want to surround myself with a core of moms who love God and love their kids and love their husbands.  I want to learn from them, I want their kids to be friends with my kids, I want parents with whom I can do life.  And, I think I can see God working on that.  I really want my life to count.  I know that I am called to stay at home with my kids right now.  I really feel strongly about that.  But, my life can be about more than just them.  And, I don't think that this is all about me either.  Something is going on in someone else's life.  I just don't know who or what.  And, that doesn't really matter.  What matters is that I am being available to be used.

So, I sit here really excited and really anxious all at the same time.  I feel very responsible for this group.  I love what is happening here in our little town.  I want it to last.  So, I'm prayer for our winter home.  

God,  Thank you for what you are doing in Park Play Group.  Thank you for the people who are coming out to be involved.  Thank you for the people who are praying for our group and for our winter home.  You have created this group.  You have put together parents as friends, as teachers, as supporters.  You are watching as our kids play.  You are listening as we talk.  Work in all of us.  Let our group be an honor to you.  God, provide a home for us.  Let our group be used to show love, to show generosity, to show kindness.  God let our group show others You.  Amen.

Partner

Marriage.  It is the most unexpected journey that I have ever been on.  I had ideas about what being married would be like.  I had a good example in my parents who sat at the kitchen table after work, shared a cup of coffee, and talked about their day.  I peaked at my dad kneeling beside my mom's bedside to pray with her.  I saw them grin at one another when a favorite song would come on the radio.  The grin was followed by songs and swaying, their minds drifting to a time of early love and simpler times.  My brother and sister had working marriages.  I was there to witness their lives change from newly weds, to foundational partners, to new parents, to established spouses.  I was surrounded by people who worked on their relationships.  

I was exposed to the reality that love takes work.  I saw my brother and sister come to my parents, seeking wisdom in how to make love work.  

In their vulnerability, I found strength.  In their resistance to complacency, my heart was etched with the truth that love is an action.  Still, with all of this, I had no idea what I was getting into.  

Ryan and I have been married for over eight years.  We have lived in three different states and had five totally different financial situations.  We have had spiritual highs and we have been in the depths of fear and questioning.  We have faced infertility, joblessness, and a devoid marital vision.  We have screamed, begged, cried, searched for answers.  We have seen glory, peace, and hope in answered prayers.  We have two beautiful girls.  We have a safe and warm home.  We eat well and sleep well.  While there have been sharp turns, unpaved roads, and dark alleys, this journey is sweet.  

My partner and I feel an urgency to look to The Father for our direction.  We call to prayer, the Bible, and His Spirit to be our GPS along the way.  There are many wishes and wants that I have for my family and for myself, but, above all, I want each of us to know God and to be known by Him.  Then, the rest all sort of falls in place.  

If you haven't already, you should watch Fireproof.  It has challenged me to be more direct and purposeful in my love for Ryan.  But, I learned more than this from the film.  I learned that parents need to hold their children up to a standard when dealing with relationships of all kinds.  Besides setting an example, parents need to have an open dialogue with their kids about their actions and their feelings.  Just watch the movie, you'll see what I am talking about.  Go in with the right attitude, and it just might change your life.  

Yo Big Sisser

I know.  What is this, sibling week or something?  But, I've been doing some thinking.  I mean, really.  Why do I like my brother and sister?  Sure, they're family.  But, what about them is great, is unique, is wonderful?  Were they not blood, what about them would make me want to have them in my life?  You see, I think that people should be more aware about relationships.  Being mindful of other people, being knowledgeable about who they are and why you love them, helps to refine your friendship.  And, so I have been thinking about the people in my life.  And, why not start with family?

Leah is my older sister by 10 years.  She is kind and thoughtful.  She is funny without trying.  She is a delightful hostess, wonderful cook, and a great task manager.  Let me elaborate.  If you ask Leah to do something for you, she gets the job done.  She makes the phone calls, she sets the meetings, she takes the notes, makes the coffee, and cleans up afterwards.  She is as reliable as they come.  

And, what a party planner this girl can be.  She welcomes people into her home openly.  If you are hungry, she feeds you.  If you are lonely, she will hug you and love on you until you feel well again.  If you need a laugh, the girl has got some stories (Now, it will take her a long time to tell them, as she is a bit of a bunny trailer, but part of that is humorous, too.).  And, if you can get her to laugh really hard - eyes shut, nostrils flaring, foot stomping - you are nearly guaranteed to pee your pants.  The girl is a good time.

There have been many long days for me this season in my life.  Ryan has had long hours and night classes, and I have been "stuck" with two kids for too long.  Leah is always there to invite me for lunch and even to stay for dinner if we need to.  She makes sure that my kids know that they are loved by her, and I mean LOVED.  She watched Avery for me when I had to work at Starbucks a few years ago.  She did that for me.  She watched my baby so that I wouldn't have to put her in daycare.  Her kids have no idea how great they have it.  She is so supportive of them.  And, Danny, wow, he's got a great wife.  

Seriously, I have never heard someone say anything bad about my sister.  Never.  Instead, they always want to know what she is doing and how she is doing.  Because she cares about people, they care about her.  

Leah is my sister and all of the goodness that comes with being sisters.  We have never fought.  And, I know, we are 10 years apart.  But, I love her too much to ever see her down.  She's my girl.  And just like she used to write on all of those packages she would send to Grove City, she is my BIG SISSER.  

I hope you have some thinking to do about who you love and why you love them.  Gossip all about that kind of good stuff.  Hug them so hard.  Love all over them.  That's the good stuff of life.  Live it.

I Jumped to my Feet

Although he likes to tell people otherwise, my brother is 11 years older than me.  While he was lifetimes ahead of me, I loved trying to keep up with him and all that he had going on.  I remember asking my parents if I could do my homework while watching tv, if I could have a Walk-man, and if I could wear my tennis shoes untied.  All, of course, were no.  The best option I had was to follow him when ever he would allow it.  When I was in third grade, my brother left for college and I couldn't really follow him there.  

Off he went to the University of Pittsburgh, where he would learn to be a metallurgist, a leader, an individual, where he would play soccer for the blue and gold, where he would live far away and I would be sad without him.  I was so proud of him.  I didn't really know what college meant, but I knew that it was a big deal.  And, so that first fall, we made several trips to Pittsburgh to visit my brother.   I recall the trips going something like this:  Being picked up early from school, my mom having packed my Cabbage Patch Kids lunch box with lots of snacks, the family wearing Polo shirts, sweats, and sweaters all in blue and gold.   We would get to the game early, finding a seat was easy in the huge stadium, as soccer didn't get much support.  I would spend the next few hours doing cartwheels and running around the arena, being sure to make friends with everyone.  Afterwards, we would follow my brother up to the field house so that he could change before going out to dinner.  

This tradition went on for the next four years.  My brother earned honors both on and off the soccer field.  Years later, ten years to be exact, I found myself at that same arena.  My brother was on the field playing with another alumni and the current Panther team.  I watched as he took the ball down the field and scored an awesome goal.  And, just like all of those times before, I jumped to my feet and yelled, "That's my brother!"  I guess it was sort of loud as the players on the field all looked up to see who this sister must be.  

While I don't get to watch him play soccer much anymore, the cheers haven't stopped.  I watch him with greater pride now.  As a dad, as a husband, as a son, as a friend - I still get the urge to jump and yell.  He's my brother, and I am really proud of that.

Avery Goes to School

Avery, my baby girl, my three year old, had her first day of school today.  We have been talking about school, driving by school, visiting school since January when we registered, but, I think for both of us, it was a time somewhere off in the distance.  Even last night, it still seemed unrealistically close.  

And, so this morning, we got dressed a lot faster than normal.  I worked on keeping everything as calm and relaxed as possible.  And, by the time 8:30 rolled around and she started asking, "Mama, what-we-goin' do-a-day", I knew it was time to ease her into what was really going on.  School, Avery.  You are going to school today.  Crying, came.  I told her it was a special day just for us, just for Avery and Mommy and Daddy.  The idea of it being something special that we were all going to do together, made it better, for all of us.

When we arrived at "the castle school" as Avery likes to say, there were fun signs and balloons all over.  Avery was asking about a party going on and if we could go.  I will keep it short.  Her teachers were great, her class seems nice (there were 9 kids there, I guess two were sick or something, and it seems that it is half boys and half girls), and she only cried for a few minutes when we went up for the parents meeting.  I fought back tears walking down the hall and during the meeting.  I kept wondering how she was doing.  I was praying for her to mind a friend.  Her teachers said that she asked for me often, but that she played well and was kind.  I think her favorite part was her cubby where she has a shelf and some hooks for her things.  That's my girl.  

She said tonight that she didn't want to go back to school tomorrow, so it is good that she has a day off.  I will report about how Thursday goes when she will be there by herself.  Thanks for all of the prayers and well wishes.  She sure is special to me.