Community

When asked where you live, what is your response?  Most people offer a town, a street name, a development title.  Why do we define our life by where we live?  Why do we base our home on where our house is?  I am not brick, or wood, nor plaster and paint.  I am me.  A person.  And I am part of a community.  

My girls and I are very fortunate to have found a wonderful play group.  Today I watched as three moms found safety, found community, in the commonality of their children.  I watched as they took turns talking and listening, showing concern and respect.  And like all mothers must learn to do, they did this while putting together a puzzle, pushing trains, and finding snacks.  Around the room, moms of new babies sat on the floor discussing breast feeding, diapers, sleep habits.  One rocked a bundle of baby in her arms, another played peek-a-boo, and another gently rubbed her sons so soft and bald head.  At the playhouse, one mother played Big Bad Wolf with a group of toddlers.  And, at a group of tables sat even more mothers talking coupons and vacations, doctors and church.  I am a part of this community.

After play group we drive directly to the library for story hour.  I watched a mother help her son pick out his books for the week, another mom read Richard Scary stories aloud to a few kids, and another grandma help her grandson play a learning game on the computer.  In the classroom, a dad danced and sang along with his daughter,  teachers taught us to fish for goldfish crackers with cheese and pretzels, and toddlers counted loudly while wiggling and chatting.  I am a part of this community.

We attend church.  We are a part of a swimming pool.  We go to the gym.  We talk to people at the grocery store.  We know our neighbors. We spend time with our families.  I am a part of all of these communities.  But, it isn't the place that draws me in, that makes me stay, that calls me to return.  The people of these places - they, in their friendliness and uniqueness, in their commonality and character, are why I belong to these places.  I am a part of their community.

I realize that many nice labels of status quo can be attached to a person based upon their home builder, their neighborhood, their zip code.  But, it isn't where they live that gives life.  Life comes from joining in, from becoming a part of, from being vulnerable to a community.   This is where I live, in my life.

Lake Life

Ryan's parents live on a lake a little less than three hours from us.  It is far enough away that it feels like a road trip but not too far for travel with kids.  We went for a visit this past weekend to celebrate my father-in-law's birthday.  And, I like going to visit my in-laws, I like that my kids love to go, but the real reason that I like to go is because it makes Ryan do this:

No, I don't mean that he carries Emery around and this makes me happy.  I mean that smile.  Between the pressures at school and running the clinic, along with trying to keep our home nice, on top of making time for the girls and I, that smile doesn't come out too often.  Ryan smiles, lots, everyday.  But, this is a special smile.  It is his I am really happy and relaxed at the same time smile.  I just love it.  

Besides that smile, there are many other reasons why the lake is fun.  Ryan saved up his birthday and Christmas money for over a year and bought a canoe.  He just loves to paddle around the lake, watching fish jump, talking to Avery, exercising, and enjoying the fresh air.  Avery likes to ride along but mostly likes that she gets to wear her life vest.  Emery has a matching one and I look forward to the four of us getting out on the water this summer.  Avery also gets to play all sorts of fun things like playdough, hop scotch, sidewalk chalk, tee ball - you name it, and she can pretty much talk her grandparents into doing it.  Emery loves crawling around and watching her sister have so much fun.  And, by the middle of summer, she will probably be able to join in on the activities.  

Now, you might be thinking, but what do you love about the lake Bethany?  I am so glad you asked.  There are a few things that I love, but I will just name my top few.  One, there are two shops that I adore downtown.  The White Picket Fence (so cool cooking, home, and toy store with a very organic, eco-friendly vibe) and Skilmen's (if I am wearing something cool, I probably bought it there).  I save my money for these two stores.  I go twice a day most of the time.  And, this year I am going to be able to ride my cruiser bike down.  I am placing my order for my bell and basket this week.  Look out!  There is one other store in the area that I love to frequent as well.  Good ole' Wegmans.  I just love to walk around in that grocery store, without a list of things I need, with just some time of my own to check out all of their neat products.  It is such a cool store that I bought this great organic t-shirt there last year (actually Susan bought it for me, thanks again).  I usually get sent to Weggies to pick up Sushi for the guys, and I don't mind one bit.  And, the last part that I will mention is something that I discovered along with Corrie, chair wading in the water.  Put your favorite chair a few feet in the water, put your ipod on, and relax away.  

We are going up over Mother's Day weekend to do the "lake chores" all at once so that we can play the rest of the summer.  I like this idea.  Good one Ryan.  And, if you are reading this Ryan, take me to one of those stores I mentioned and let me pick out my own Mother's Day gift.  Sounds like a plan to me.  Susan, do you like this idea as well?  Then, besides all of the other fun times I am looking forward to at the lake this summer, my whole family is coming up to celebrate the fourth of July.  So fun.  

And, this my friend, is an offering of thanks.  Thanks to Al and Susan for allowing us several mini-vacations at the lake.  And, really, thanks to God for meeting even my fun needs and those of my family.  Where do you love to go?  Did you offer a bug thank you to the person who make that opportunity possible (even if it is yourself or your spouse)?  Did you say thanks to God today for something fun that He has brought into your life?  Thanks, God.  Thanks for knowing me, for knowing my desires, and for wanting to care for me.  I love you.  B

Before Summer Comes

I have a list of "things to do" before summer, and in our little world summer begins when our pool opens in three and a half weeks.  I consider most of these small jobs fun, but finding the time to get them done is my problem.  With two small children, my world revolves around their nap schedules, but I also have my time consumers such as cleaning, cooking, and going to the gym.  I am the type who stresses when her house is a mess, and since the girls are both getting toys out, dirtying clothes, dropping food on the floor, etc., it is a mess most of  the time.  Cooking healthy food is another top priority for my household.  I try to make dinner most everynight (except on Mondays when the girls and I eat with my parents while Ryan works late), and I work hard to make sure that dinner is yummy and as healthy as it should be.  And then there's the gym.  The gym is my favorite part, but at times the hardest part.  Getting the girls dressed, out the door, and still having some sanity to go into pilates or yoga without my stress level totally destroying the atmosphere isn't easy.  But, do I ever feel like it is worth it every time!  More about this later.  I am thinking that if I list my hopes to do before summer, it will be a great reminder when I am checking my facebook page too often and have the time to do something a little more productive.  Here it is:

1.  Complete fall through present pages for Avery and Emery's scrapbooks.  I ordered all of my pictures yesterday, and they should arrive in a few days.  I have all of my supplies, and now I just need to come up with some page ideas.

2.  Make some yo-yo's (or pon poms) for a quilting project.  I found some OLD fabric that was my grandma's, and I have some ideas for using it.  Seriously, the fabric is from when my mom was little.  It is still in great shape.  I will take some shots when they come to life.

3.  Flowers, herbs, and veggies need to be planted in my gardens.  I still have some weeding to do, but the major prework is done.  When you live in the "city" it's hard to know what to do with all of the scraps of gardening and yard work.  I was raised in the country and we just too it down by the creek.  I hate throwing it away, and I can't afford a compost system yet.  Any ideas?

4.  Put my winter clothes away.  My summer wardrobe is out, but winter remains.  I am still uncertain that the warmth is here to stay.

5.  My goal.  I don't think I have mentioned my goal on my blog yet, so here it goes.  After having Emery, I wanted to lose my weight more quickly than I did with Avery.  I set the date for June 1 and I have currently lost 30 pounds.  But, that isn't my goal.  I still have 13 pounds left in order to meet my goal.  As you can see, I have some work left to do.  

And so you can see how goals 1-4 are hard to accomplish with my everyday things to do, especially when I want to meet my 5th goal so badly.  Cheer me on, okay?  I already have tons of ideas for my summer goals, so I really need to stay focused so I can meet these first.  Thanks for listening.  My offering today is encouragement to you.  Do something that you really want to do today.  Make some headway with a project, take a walk, show love to someone who needs to be loved - make a mark in the world today, make an offering.

Were I a Rich Man

I have been thinking about this list for about five years, and see how funny life is about answering them.  Were I a rich man (I mean REALLY rich), I would spend some of my money on the following:

1.  A Personal Physician  This would be a medical doctor who I could see once a week and call whenever I wanted.  I would want this person to help me set goals for physical health as I am all about preventative medicine.  For instance, my hips click and cause me minor pain after doing floor exercises or running for an extended time.  Why is this?  Help me fix it before I have to have hip replacement surgery at 40.  Also, I would want help with my pcos and how to work with this syndrome (and how to help my daughters in case of their development of it).  And, how handy would this be with having kids?  Really, this is a must.

2.  An Personal Psychiatrist  This person would be there for a weekly session or on call for emergency situations.  I just like talking things, good and bad, out.  I like learning about people and how they work.  I am raising two daughters and doing my best to have a very healthy marriage, hence someone skilled in relationship building would be so nice.  And, really, I need someone to walk me through those I'm-about-to-lose moments, like sleep training for instance.  3.  A Personal Photographer.  This artist would be around to take pictures every week or so to help me document my life.  I love pictures and love when people know what they are going behind a lens.  

So, here is what I have in my "rich" life (seriously, this all happened after I had these wishes):

1.  My sister in law, Corrie, is in medical school.  I can call her anytime I want, so she says now.  And, I live on residence row here in Washington where all of the residents live for our hometown hospital.  ER is in my backyard.  If I really needed them, I know those neighbors would help.  I'd rather have Corrie be my personal doctor because I tell her most everything already.  It may have to be long distance for a while, but we're good at communicating.

2.  Ryan will be a psychologist in two more years.  He can't prescribe meds, but I don't want them.  I just want the talks, and he's good at that.  He is my partner is raising our girls and working on our marriage.  Sometimes it's like living with the Super Nanny but I love it.  

3.  I want to be my own photographer.  I have the camera, I can get more equipment, I have the desire to learn.  Let's do it baby.  Shoot and capture.  

There are many more of these little wishes that I have, but I have a kitchen to clean and dinner to make.  We will save those for another day.  This makes one week of blogging here for me, and I have loved every day of it.  Thanks for reading, become a follower, and comment away.  Better yet, blog.  I'll read yours.  Love and Thanks.  I know it's not much of an "offering" for you all today, but a way for me to see how when my heart is in line with God's plan for my life, so are my desires.  May my wants be His wants...even if it is just to show the people that I love that I need them in my life, want them in my life, and support their dreams as well.  Go Ryan and Corrie, my future doctors.  I am so proud.

She is My Body and I will Share Her

My body was once my own.  I fed her what I wanted and when I wanted.  I worked her to my liking.  She responded nicely, kindly.  For years I tried to hide her shapes and scrolls, covering her, protecting her, protecting me.  And when I finally saw her clearly, in her beauty and uniqueness, in her firmness and softness, I loved her.  She, my young body, added confidence.  

My body is no longer my own.  Two lives have come from her.  My torso held life, twice, for nine months.  Skin and bones moved, stretched to make room for daughters.  Hips opened as wide as they could for the exit of Avery and Emery, only to be told they were not good enough, wide enough, welcoming enough.  The detoured route left a purple line across the mid section of her, a halfway mark of sorts, a line drawn to open for life.  My breasts, still full of nourishment, carry the weight of life in them.  My mind wonders if she will be able to restore them to their previous post.  My legs and back lift and carry those daughters daily, for hugs, for rest, for comfort, for protection.  My arms wrap so nicely around their soft, little bodies, showing love and respect.  And, this body, my body, I see even more clearly now.  Her beauty and uniqueness, in all of her firmness and softness, make me love her even more.  She has given me two lives to love, two daughters to teach to love themselves, confidently.  She is my body and I will share her.

She Stands

Emery is my 9 month old, sweet baby girl.  She broke her femur about 6 weeks ago, has made a full recovery, been cast free for two weeks, and now she stands.  I found her like this after her nap yesterday which made her feel so happy (I think she likes being big like her sister).  We celebrated by having a pretzel and wearing our sunglasses inside.  Avery is teaching her to put her glasses on upside down, just like she does.  I knew they were going to love being sisters.  Emery is a really nice baby, but she does have her cranky moments, like the rest of us.  (Avery must be given credit for capturing this oh-so-real moment in our lives...the face of a cranky Emmy).  I just love my girls.  And, things are going to get a little crazy around here with two girls on the loose.  Look out, mommy.

Flowers and Chocolate

I spent most of my weekend digging up dirt.  What a wonderfully cathartic exercise for both the mind and body.  Sitting in the damp yard, pulling weeds from my garden is nearly as restful as my Pilate's class.  I breathe in through my nose and out of my mouth, a ritual of calm and place, a habit of peace and purpose.  My hands, protected by my gloves, scrape the dirt, cradle the bulbs, and toss the weeds.  I love to see the darkness of the dark once uncovered.  I only wish it could stay so raw, so cool, so moist.  I work steadily, for I know too soon someone will need me more than I need this time of self indulgence.  Gardening is something that I have fallen for, that and cooking.  I feel allowed to pursue my creative side while still having the opportunity to spoil the ones I love with my end result.  

As we have our first official spring rain - heavy drops of moisture, air is calm, sun still trying to shine, birds and creatures making their chirps and rattles - my yard is surrounded in daffodils 

and tulips.  

Green is sprouting

 up in beds, bushes, and trees.  The hydrangea, who shall be named Vivian, rescued from certain death (a garbage pile), fits nicely on the corner of my garage.  I cannot wait to see what she has in store for me, as I did save her life.  I have a bouquet of my first cuttings in the kitchen and my helper, Avery, was paid with a bedside glassful of her own.  While the girls napped, I filled our kitchen with smells of dark chocolate and coffee (I like to spoil their dad as well). 

 

And this, flowers and chocolate, is my offering today.

We Could All Use A Little Work

The title of this blog may make you think of a few things.  Jobs, plastic surgery, remodeling - these are just a few that pop out, but they are really only temporary.  I was thinking of something a little more lasting, like communication.  

I am very fortunate to have the family that I do.  I have one brother, one sister, two married parents - we are about as normal of a family as you could imagine.  I was told that I broke the mold when I had two daughters instead of one boy and one girl, like my siblings both have.  I know, radical.  We all live in the same town, and we enjoy getting together often.  We may be normal, but we aren't perfect.  

There seem to be two teams, we will call them, in my family.  We have the team that I am on - the let's talk about it and get it out there kind - and the other team - the let's avoid any confrontation and stuff it under the rug players.  You could imagine where this may cause some bumps in the road.  I will admit, in case any family members are reading, that I have switched teams in the last few years.  I am not sure if this is a result of working on my marriage (as communication is key) or just learning that stuffing wasn't working for me (STRESS AND ANGER).   We, like most families, have learned our roles, learned how to work or cope with one another, and do our best to keep peace and love in our lives.  

But, something funny about my family is that when we have an issue arise, everyone takes the blame for it.  Weird, I know.  I watch movies and tv.  I know that usually people point fingers and blame.  But, not us.  We cloak ourselves in guilt and apologize, again, and again, and again.   Most of the time, this is true.  And then, the other person says it's their fault...the cycle goes on and on until  we laugh at our lameness, ask questions why we are so weird, and go on with life.

I have no idea why I am telling you this.  I just like getting to know about my family, about how we work, and about how we can improve.  I love my family.  Life would be dull and lonely without them.  So, I want to preserve the family, my family.  I think we could work on communicating a little more.  Don't you think.  So, that's my offering today.  I am going to work on communicating...

Advice

This post is mainly for moms, but dads may chime in as well; however, you will have to listen to some breast feeding talk if you read more. You've been warned. Weaning: I have no idea how to wean a baby. Avery was bottle fed and she move right on to the cup. Emery still loves to nurse. We are at the opening up the shirt and sticking the head in phase. She is now 9 months old, eats table food well, drinks sips of milk from a cup. She is getting up once a night to nurse, usually around 2ish. I haven't made her give that up yet as it really isn't bothering me much. She does still nurse a lot during the day, every four hours or so and she likes to be nursed before her two naps. I would like to have her weaned in the next few months, but want to do it the right way for both of us. I know that I should let her make the call, but I think she is the type that may never give it up on her own. So, I am looking for any and all advice that you parents might have. Good and bad. Send it my way. I have tried to do some reading, but real mom advice seems to work. You guys got me through sleep training, I know you can help with this. Sharing a Room: Eventually, Emery needs to move into Avery's room. We already have her crib set up (it's been in there for a year now), but she have never slept in it. She is in her very little room off of our room now, but it would be nice to her to get moving on out soon. When should I do it? Should I wait until summer, when she may be sleeping through the night? I would love to hear your thoughts and experiences.

Everydayness

I have cleaned the kitchen to dirty the kitchen in order to cook dinner, to clean the kitchen once again.  I have four laundry baskets that need to be emptied into their proper drawers and closets; I have scatters of toys that need to be swept into their wicker baskets and colored cubes; I have windows and table tops that need to be shined to reflection state.  But, that can all wait.  Dinner is made, kids are still kind of sleeping, and I need some me time.  I up loaded some pictures from the past few days.  I found myself smiling.  My kids don't sit well for long enough to get great photos in their pretty Easter dresses, they don't look right at the camera and smile, they don't stay clean long enough for me to capture the images I thought I would have of my children before I became a parent.  But, I do get some great pictures.  Great to me and to those who know my kids.  And, I would like to share some of my everyday photos so you can get to know us better.  

The first picture is of the girls (don't you just love Avery's hair) in the tub with their new sun glasses.  This is what Avery's hair looks like every day after she rips out her pony tails...I do her hair everyday and it only lasts for a few hours.  At least the hair is finally coming in.

the second picture is with Emery and her favorite part of her Easter basket, a tag.  Yes, I'm letting her chew on it...it's how I roll.

Third picture is of Avery in her Easter outfit.  Decked out.  She picked the hat and glass to add to the outfit.  As her faith emerges, so does her fashion sense...

Emerging Faith of Avery

Avery is two years and nine months old - an age of complete sentences not completely perfect in their sound or form, a busy body of dancing, spinning, jumping, falling, and tantrumming, and a mind and spirit full of wonder, figuring, and solidifying.  This nearly three world has ups and downs.  Avery is able to sit longer, do crafts, entertain herself, get jokes, tell jokes, but she also whines more, throws more fits, and can even be sneaky.  This age proves for many funny and heartwarming stories concerning the time of Easter and the emerging faith of my little girl.

Before I tell the story, please know that I will do my best to write in Avery speak as to preserve the integrity of the story as well as to remember how sweet her little language was when she is older.  On another note, we hadn't yet discussed any details of the Easter story prior to this.  

Inside the foyer of our church is a huge sculpture of the crucifixion  In bronze is an eight foot Christ on the cross with John and Mary, crying beneath him.   This has intrigued Avery for months.  Just after Christmas, I took Avery to sign up for preschool at our church.  On the way in, she noticed this image and said, "He so sad.  He pray to God".    That night we ate dinner with my parents and she told them, "Jesus so sad.  He thirsty."  What?  How does she know this stuff?  In utero sermons really sinking in?  Are children held in heaven with all of the angels, saints, and higher authorities until being born on earth?  I don't know.  But, I do know that Avery is sensitive to the cross and all of the emotions that a toddler can conger from seeing it.

A few months have passed and we've talked about Jesus more and the cross and who he is and can be in our lives.  Again, I am not sure how much is sinking in or how much could be understood, but the following is Avery's view on Easter.  And, I didn't make any of this up for humor's sake.  She really said the following...

Prepping Avery for church - she doesn't really like being left in the nursery- I was telling her about Palm Sunday.  Our church was having a Palm Parade with palms, a donkey, and all the people who wanted walking around the block singing 'hosanna'.  She says to me, "I take my pon poms.  I be cheerweeder."  I am thinking that a really mod version may want to steal Avery's palm/pon pom interpretation for their newest addition.  The story gets better...

We were in the parking lot of the library, just before story hour, when on the radio "Jesus" was mentioned.  Avery says, "Hey, we know Jesus."  I say, "Yes!  Where does Jesus live?"  Hoping to hear 'in my heart', I hear her say, "At my cool (school)."  We chat about school and church, and I tell her that Jesus lives in my heart and that he is my best friend.  Avery says, "No, he not my beff friend.  My fammy (family) my beff friend."  I giggle, as who doesn't think that is funny and cute?  Then, here's the part that made my chin drop, Avery says, "Jesus just a'tend (pretend).  You can touch him.  No touch Jesus."  What?  Has a faith struggle already started?  How does she know this stuff?

So, the next time we went to church, I picked up the pamphlet next to the sculpture that has pictures of the sculpture, artist info, ect.  They have a close up of John, crying, with his hands on his head.  Avery says, "Who diss?"  I tell her about John and why he and Mary were said.  Avery says in a sweet, sad voice, "He has hands like diss (she puts her hands on her head).  He sad like I sad when I in my bed and you mad because I won't sleep."  Ha, ha, ha.  This kid is a crack up.  She knows transference of emotions.  What will her teenage years be like?  

One thing that I love about Avery is her sensitivity her own emotions and to those of others.  It can cause some worry and fear for her at times, but she is a joy and I hope this makes her a good friend.  And, I must also note that this was one of those moments where I was struck with fear as I realized she is fully able to tell any secrets, like about how I get mad when she doesn't sleep.  

Emerging faith...how is yours growing today?

Bird Feeder

Avery and I traipsed into the garage, looking for our bird feeder and bad of seed.  I had put the seed away in a tin can covered with three lids as last year we found a furry, much dead, critter inside.  This was a rare time for Avery and I, alone, without baby sister, and outside.  We cleaned off the feeder, filled it with seed, and placed it in a nice spot on a medium sized flowering tree.  About twenty birds, even two grayish doves, waited on the fence to see what was going on.  Every time they would come close, Avery would run with yells to greet them.  And, as you know, they flew the proverbial coop.  I was excited to check out our feeder this morning, hoping a plethora of birds had found their breakfast spot for the season, but only found a pesky squirrel hanging on and eating a feast of seed.  Avery and I jumped on our boots, chased the furry rat away, and went back into the garage for plan two.  The bird feeder is now on a different branch with a long wire from which it will hang.  What's the lesson in this?  How does this make my day count?  Well, Avery and I now have a new "thing" that we do together.  We watch the feed our community of birds.  And, maybe even more fun and exciting, we chase away the nasty squirrels.  Bonding over birds...

Counting

I'm counting my blessings, mostly because I need to remind myself that I am surround by love.  At times it is easy to get caught up in the search for more of this and less of that, and then find yourself feeling like you are owed more than you have, that you should have it easier, better, cleaner, quieter, prettier.  We all have our cross to bear as they say, but do we really have any idea what it is to bear a cross?  I know I don't.  

Our situation is somewhat unique, at least it seems so to me.  My husband, Ryan, is a full time PhD student.  We have two little girls and I wanted to stay home with them.  How is that going to work?  Ryan works 80-90 hours a week and gets paid like he works 9.  Seriously, if you knew what his stipend was you would either laugh or cry, or both probably.  I know I have.  And yet, somehow, we don't really want for anything.  We are frugal, but I was kind of that way even when we both had full time, well paying jobs.  We did save a lot of that money that we made, which helps, but really I see God providing.  And, I don't mean that we get checks in the mail from strangers.  We get invited to dinner from my family, we love hand me down clothes, we eat and use what we buy, we don't have cable, we only go out to eat for special occasions, etc.  But, what God really did is change our desires.  He has filled us with other great things, which leaves less time for "wanting" and "needing" moments.  Not to say that I don't still want, but I am able to realize that this is just a season for us, just a moment in our story that I can rest in knowing that God called us here and find satisfaction in that.  But, our situation must be unique because I have looked for books, magazines, blogs, etc to find a mentor or just someone to talk to about a similar life, and have yet to find someone.  Maybe one of you can find someone for me.  

So, here are some blessings, just off the top of my head:

1.  My husband has found his calling and is working on his dream.

2.  I have two, wonderful, funny, sweet daughters.

3.  My mom and sister are my best friends.

4.  I get to do yoga and pilates with great people every week.

5.  I am getting stronger in so many ways.

6.  I love to cook.

7.  I am saved by grace.

8.  I have food in the refrigerator.

9.  My family is healthy.

10.  I know my Starbucks drink and get to share it with Avery on Thursdays.

11.  My husband and I are really good at talking to eachother.

12.  I get to stay at home with my girls.

There's a dozen for today.  What are you thankful for today?  How can your perspective be changed?  Counting...

My Offering

This time of year, Easter, I find myself weepy.  I feel guilty that my life isn't worth the sacrifice that Jesus made for it, for me.  Sadness and shame seem as close as my flesh.  This is my natural reaction to that supernatural act of love that Jesus shows through his death.  And, as all of the songs and verses suggest, I will never know the depth of his pain,  of his hurt, or of his longing for me to get the wholeness of his death.  Because if I stop there, at the guilt, then I obviously don't get it.  Because, that isn't why he died.  He died that I might have life.  Life.  A full life.  Life, people.  As I type this, I feel hope rising inside of me.  The tear covered eyes dry to a smile.  I lift my hands up, take a deep breath, and rest in his love, in his mercy, in his offering.  My response to this matters.  What do I have to offer?  What is my offering, today, right now, this minute?