Duel Sleepers

Well, the time has come.  Emery is making her journey into the big girls room.  Her crib has been in there for over a year and it is ready for her now.  For the most part, Emery sleeps through the night.  The past few nights she has gotten up because of her teeth, but she does okay other than that.  Her naps are good; Avery's naps are great.  So, today I took them to the pool to tire them out, fed them a great lunch, tried to give them each some special attention, and then put them to bed in the same room.  

It took about fifteen minutes, but they both fell asleep.  Emery cried for a while and Avery kept telling her to go to bed, which sounds about right.  We have a big fan in there to provide some noise cushion.  I was even able to sneek in their room, look at their sweet, sleeping faces, and cover them both with warm blankets.  I have never been able to do this before.  I seem to have light sleepers.  

I would consider it a success if they both get an hour and a half of sleep in today.  We still have to go to the grocery store before dad comes home for dinner, so that might just work out perfectly.  I know many of you have co-sleepers.  Any advice for me?  

Pie and Pavarotti

There are many marks that a father leaves on the life of his child.  Many.  I am fortunate to have a loving and kind, hard working and brave, sweet and funny father.  Really, I never call him father, that is a term I use more for my Heavenly Father, but to me, he is dad and daddy.  

My dad and I have always had a good relationship.  I often felt understood, even praised, by him.  I knew that he loved me and that he liked having me around, even when others felt that I was somewhat bothersome.  My siblings have even confided that daddy and share a special bond.  There really wasn't anything that I didn't want to do with him.  Chopping wood, scraping paint, mowing the grass - these were all opportunities to be with him.  Of course we did special things together - making sassafras tea that we grew in our woods, swinging with underduckies at the farm, painting lessons on my homemade easel.  How he honed in on my loves of creativity and art.  

As I got older, we would listen to opera while I helped him cook.  The Italian in us naturally came out, both of us longing to learn the language so sing along, to feel more connected.  When the most beautiful song of all - Nessun Dorma via Pavarotti - would come on, we would pause.  The song can bring tears to my eyes this minute.  I always had this dream of taking my dad to Italy to hear Pav live, now we will have to wait for Heaven.  There were other songs, dancing songs, singing songs, heart songs that I hear and can only think of those times in the kitchen with my dad.  My husband really appreciates my cooking.  I love my cooking.  It is my expression, my creative contribution, and I have my dad to thank for bringing that out in me.  

But, there is one cooking lesson that has left the greatest mark on my life.  My first pie.  Pies - now that is something I can rely on for a crowd pleasing time.  I feel so comfortable turning that flour and fat into a crust that melts in your mouth.  My hands know just when to stop the mixing, the rolling, the tucking, the pinching.  I know the perfect color of gold for oven removal.  But, I know most of all the warm, comforting, welcoming feeling that one bite of a homemade pie can bring to a person.  Moreover, I know that a simple offering of a baked good can open a door to a life in need of love.  

Our family farm, right across the street from our house, was sold to a horsemen.  The new owner had a trainer and his family move into a home on the lot.  This was all very different for me, a ten year old, and my dad.  That land that was his playground and it now belonged to someone else.  While many would become bitter, turned their back on these new residents, dad took this opportunity to love, really love.  

At my parents kitchen table, the hands of a young girl and a steel worker, rolled out a pie, filled it with cherries, wove a crust-top, and baked with love.  We carried a warm cherry pie to our new neighbors and made some new friends.  To make a very long story short, a family in turmoil, one about to call it quits, started coming to our church, started making changes for the better, began choosing love.  One family on the brink of destruction, blossomed.  This family now serves God in churches in our area.  I often wonder how the world would be different if my dad hadn't made that pie.  

The lessons that my dad taught are numerous, too many to count.  And, the good news is that the lessons go on.  My daughters will bake pies and they will know Pavarotti.  More importantly that will know that an extended hand, an offering, to a person in need makes a mark for good.  Thank you, dad.  

Take 'Em As They Come

I can remember it so clearly.  My belly was full of Averyness.  I had so many thoughts about what she would look like, what type of person she would be.  I wondered who she would resemble, what her voice would sound like, how big her feet would be, what color eyes she would have.  Would she have my hair or Ryan's?  Would she be pale like me or have his nice tan coloring?  Would she be a cup half full or half empty kind of person?  The wonderings went on and on.  

And, wouldn't you know it, she is nothing like I imagined her to be.  Nothing.  Not that this is a bad thing.  More like, she is more than I could ever comprehend like of thing.  She is more complex in her looks and her personality than I could have thought.  Isn't that just great?  So, when Emery was in utero, I didn't even ponder much about what she would look like or be like.  I guess I wondered if she would be like Avery more than anything.  And, once again, I am amazed by the little person that Emery came out to be. 

 As with most parents, I am in awe of the wonder of our Creator when I look at my babies.  And, what do I do with this wonder?  How do I respond to it?  How do I respect the Creator?  Well, I suppose I respect his work.  I don't try to change it, try to force it to be something it's not, try to make it into what I want it to be.  I take this child, this little life, and love it for what it is.   

And, it's a challenge for me.  I want to force my child to be the best sharer, the best listener, the cleanest, the nicest, the sweetest, and those of you who know her, know she isn't the best at all of these things.  She does well most of the time, but she's three and we all know what fun that is.  While I want her to pick out the pink shoes, she wants purple.  When I want her to want her hair curled, she likes to mess it up.  The dress she wants to wear isn't what I had in mind.  When I introduce her to some people, she turns her head.  When I want to do something quiet and creative, she wants to run around the house.  It goes on and on.  

What I must remember is that she is her own person.  I am responsible in helping her to learn to make good choices, but I can't choose her life.  Even though she is just three, the messages I send to her about her choices and their consequences (or rewards) are vital.  Will she learn responsibility or rejection?  Will she learn independence of dependence on me for the answers?  

I love my girls.  I want them to grow to be loving, smart women of God.  Today matters.  How I make them feel matters.  The example I set for them matters.  So if you see me around working really hard to help my kids make good choices, support me.  Support them.  Be an example for them.  They are created by my Creator to be what He desires of them...we are all still a work in progress.

Slow. Things. Down.

It is tempting to try to keep up with life, to try to do all that is available, to attempt to make the most of every moment.  I feel this pressure, too often for my liking.  Possibly this has something to do with my situation, as being a mom to two small people can eat up a great deal of time and energy, but more so I believe that it is just in my nature.  I like to do and I was raised by some family members who also have this drive.  

For example, Ryan and I are playing in the yard with the girls.  I will probably start working in the garden, sweeping the porch, arranging the patio furniture.  Before I know it, one child is crying, Ryan is frustrated from tending to both little lambs, and I am in my own world of "doing".

And the problem that I have with this has nothing to do with the fact that I don't get a ton of time to do the chores that I love to do, but that this isn't the life that I want to live.  I desire to be present in the lives of my children, in my marriage, and in my friendships.  I don't want to be too busy to there, to be close, to be near to the lives that matter to me.  

Being around and being present are to totally different things.  Trust me.  My toddler's mommy time alarm rings loudly when she hasn't had real time with me.  The need could not be more clear.  And, I am just wondering if I have missed the alarms of other people while merely existing in our relationship instead of being alive in them.  

This summer is providing an great opportunity for me to Slow. Things. Down.  Ryan's car died.  He sold it and it will be gone as of this weekend, leaving us as a single car family.  Now, it's not as bad as it sounds.  The next few weeks will be a little crazy, but once Ryan starts his new position in our town, there will really only be two days a week that I will carless.  I am not looking forward to this venture, but I can see it as an opportunity to do some home-work.  I am making the choice to spin this for the positive.  Here is how I am going to use this situation to my advantage.

First off, I have great neighbors.  Liz and Katie could and will probably entertain me and my girls most days.  This shows my daughters, and their kids, that neighbors can be dear friends.  They will learn how moms can stick together (their husbands are interns at the hospital by our house, so they feel the "my husband works all of the time" pain).  They will learn how fun and sweet it is to have girlfriends in their lives.  

Secondly, I am going to do some cooking.  I love to cook and bake, but the hour before dinner time can be crunch time.  Kids are hungry, we are all excited to Ryan to come home, and yet someone has to be in that kitchen working away.  I figure that I can do some food prep on my days at home.  Chopping, washing, dicing, marinating - all these tasks can be done ahead of time so that I have more time to play in the afternoon when both girls need me to be really present.  

Thirdly, I am learning once again the importance of being flexible.  When I married Ryan, I married his dreams, his desires, his plans.  I won't lie and say that I knew what I was signing on for, but I knew with whom I was signing.  This dream of being a psychologist is sort of fogging and nightmarish right now, but I know that we keep getting closer to "things getting easier".  I want a new car, a really nice new car with all kinds of neat things and tricks, but for now, that isn't going to happen.  And, I have to be okay with that.  By not putting up a fight, by not being bossy and mean about it, I am showing my husband that I am in agreement with the life he is leading.  I could go get a job, put the kids in day care, and then we could afford a new car (that would be about all that we could afford after the daycare).  But, that isn't what we want for our family.  And, there is no slowing down in that idea.

What was this all about again?  Oh, yes.  Slowing things down.  See, life is busy.  You get thrown things you weren't expecting.   Things get messy and complicated.  So, what do you do?  Do you get frantic and freak out?  Do you shut down and shut out?  I am going to try to avoid those messes and opt for a slow down.  Maybe I should put up some construction signs around my life.  Warning:  Bethany at Work.  Slow down or fines will double.  Sounds like a plan.  Who wants to go steal, I mean borrow, a few of those for me?  Live life.  Be present.  Slow down.  

She's Three

Really, I can't even believe it.  When she turned two, that seemed about right. But three, that's a whole other part of toddlerhood, and I can't believe that she is there already.  What a great time we had today celebrating with her friends.  We are so fortunate to be surrounded by such sweet people, who love us, even when we are bossy (Avery put Amelia in time out today at her party).

The theme was pirates and princesses.  We sent messages in bottles to friends and the invitations were sort of like treasure maps.  I think finding old beer bottles on their front porches was interesting for most moms.  I found all kinds of fun piratey things about - really, more than I could handle.  

But, the best find of all, especially since I wanted it to be kind of girly, was the pink, white, and black pirate plates.  SO CUTE.  

They just pulled everything together.  Avery and I baked her cupcakes.  Chocolate, of course.  She is the original Naked Chef, Free Range baby, as neighbor Liz calls her.  She even helped with the dishes afterwards.  I like having her help in the kitchen.

Avery got to go on a special trip today with my sister, Cookie.  They shopped with Lauren for her present.  She came home with a DVD and bubble gum.  She was thrilled.  And, people, if you want to make a party throwers day, offer to take the kids while she sets up.  SO VERY NICE.  My mom came over early to help get the final touches ready.  Let's just say that without the help of a sister and a mom, this hostess would have been spent before the party even started.  But, with their help, it all came together and I was ready to party.  Once the friends arrived, it became dress up madness.  Costumes of pirates, princesses, and dancers were everywhere.  There was lots of noise, and it sure sounded fun.  We had lunch and some nice talks.  The kids sat at the table in the living room and the moms and babies were in the dining room.  Leah and Jan, also known as Cookie and Mimi, said that the conversation at the kid table was priceless.  We played Walk the Plank and had a treasure hunt. 

 I think the kids had fun, and I know that I did. I put on a movie (piratey for sure) to end on a sort of quiet note.  Some kids were quite, my kid was not.  Right after trying to steal the sleeping bag from Zeke, she lifted his shirt for a big sloppy zerbert.  Those two - Babe and Buddy - are so funny.    

What can I say, we tried.  Now the house is pretty quiet and I am missing those little buggers running around.  I am hoping Avery will have these friends for life.  I love their moms and they are so special to me.  It was our first kid party, and I loved it.  Now, Avery's special day has a few more hours in it...I am sure her dad and I can figure out some fun to have.  

Moms, one great reason why the pirate theme is a plus, you don't have to do your hair.  I highly recommend it, Matey.

Family Vacation

This week marks one month until we head to the beach for vacation.  To say that it has been easy to get this trip planned would be a total lie.  There have been hoops, trust me.  The Armstrong family has grown from a family of five to now fourteen.  And, I know that 14 really isn't that many, but these 14 have lots going on - jobs, varsity sports, dance lessons, teething, turning three, building apartments, jobs, and jobs.  But, the good news is that it looks like it is going to happen, making me and my mama happy.  I guess I just want to talk about why I like going on vacation and what I have learned the past few years while traveling with my clan.  Here are some lessons that I have learned:

1.  We are all on vacation.

Getting back to the fourteen issue.  One thing I try to keep in mind when on vacation is that this is a vacation for each person.  Dads have got to be considered.  It is one of the few weeks they get off for the whole year, so if they want to veg out on the couch, fry on the beach, play BORING golf, or just surf the net, it is really up to them.  I shouldn't suggest things for them to do, they can do what ever pleases their hardworking hearts.  And moms, we get a little rest as well.  I think it is an adjustment to go from normal life to vacation life.  It takes me about three days to get in vaca-mode (a little drink in the afternoon helps, or so I have learned).  I am going to try to work this time around on easing up a little sooner, while TOTALLY KEEPING MY KIDS ON SCHEDULE SO THAT THEY SLEEP THROUGH THE NIGHT.  I see your heads nodding, moms.  Just keep telling yourself, "I'm on vacation".  And the kids, this is a special time for them as well.  They get to be surrounded by the people who love them the most in the world.  I know it seems like it is always about them, but they need a little vacation love as well.  What is my point?  I guess it is good to be aware of the fact that this is a vacation for everyone and so letting others do what they want, even if it isn't what I had in mind, is for the best.

2.  Small Groups.

If you know me, you know I love to plan and follow that plan.  But, that might not work for my siblings, their spouses, or even my parents.  It is my responsibility to keep my little family happy and functioning.  So, I have learned to make a plan for my family of four, do our thing, and include anyone else who would like to come along.  It is too much to think that a plan for 14 would ever work out.  Support the ideas of other family members, try new things, be flexible, but don't try to do everything together.  It just is unrealistic.  Be happy that you have the opportunity to be together for this time, but aware that you don't have to be all together all of the time in order for it to be a good family vacation.

3.  Focus on What you Love.

Since it is impossible to have the vacation of your dreams - everyone rises and sleeps at the same time, everyone eats all meals together around a big table laughing and chatting, perfect weather everyday, no one being annoying (like me and my planning), on and on - love what is available.  The following list contains a few of my favorite things about a family vacation:

a.  My brother being so excited about vacation that he is the first at our meeting place with a little belly ache of excitement.

b.  Talking for hours in the car.

c.  My dad making coffee and bacon early in the morning.  The early risers - Scott, dad, Ryan, Austin, and me - all up sharing a quiet morning.  Scott and dad read the paper, Austin and I sit on the couch and watch tv, Ryan scopes out the weather outside.  Soon little footsteps come out for more morning cuddles than they can handle.

d.  Playing in the pool with my girls all day while the rest of the family is at the beach (we all know I need my alone time).  Those hours of sun and the pool make me feel like a SUPERSTAR.  

e.  Riding bikes with my nieces and nephews makes me feel alive.  We ride around and around.  It is one of the most relaxing things on earth.

f.  Seeing my girls play and be taken care of by my siblings makes me get all misty.  Makes me want more kids so that they can have brothers and sisters like I have.

g.  Cracking up at Shelly cleaning the clean house, just in case.  

h.  Seeing my parents hug as they realize that they are lucky to have kids that love each other.  I imagine that is just a wonderful feeling.  

Okay, I'll stop.  I could go to "Z" but you would all be bored.  There is much more about teasing, eating, cheer leading, pool games, sneaky tricks, shopping, etc.  My heart is just excited thinking about it.  Yeah, so back to the lessons...

4.  Mind your Business.  

One big family is made up of lots of small families.  These small families are used to functioning on their own.  Give people some space.  Let people do their own thing.  You don't have to entertain, organize, soothe, provide.  Conflict will arise.  Someone will have a bad day.  Someone will get a work call.  Someone will miss a nap.  Someone will need a time out.  Someone will make a bad choice.  It's going to happen.  You just don't have to fix it.  Let the little family work it out on their own.  This helps to keep a little problem from becoming a mess of a huge problem.  

That's all I can think of for now.  To summarize, as in Cliff's Notes version:

1.  Let people do their own thing

2.  Drink before dinner to prevent that long day kind of feeling.

3.  Focus on your favorite parts

4.  "Mind your business, mama, mind your business"

I think I will read this again and again over the next few weeks to help ensure a good family vacation.  Wish me luck, as you might have noticed most of this is about me learning not to have to be in control all of the time.  I hope this helps you survive, I mean enjoy, your next family vacation.

Late Slip

So, I know, it has been two weeks since I have last posted.  Forgive me.  I have a few things going on and much on my mind.  I have so many posts that I want to write, yet they are just not making it onto the page.  They'll get there, eventually.  I guess I will start anew with vacation concepts.  Check it out