It is tempting to try to keep up with life, to try to do all that is available, to attempt to make the most of every moment. I feel this pressure, too often for my liking. Possibly this has something to do with my situation, as being a mom to two small people can eat up a great deal of time and energy, but more so I believe that it is just in my nature. I like to do and I was raised by some family members who also have this drive.
For example, Ryan and I are playing in the yard with the girls. I will probably start working in the garden, sweeping the porch, arranging the patio furniture. Before I know it, one child is crying, Ryan is frustrated from tending to both little lambs, and I am in my own world of "doing".
And the problem that I have with this has nothing to do with the fact that I don't get a ton of time to do the chores that I love to do, but that this isn't the life that I want to live. I desire to be present in the lives of my children, in my marriage, and in my friendships. I don't want to be too busy to there, to be close, to be near to the lives that matter to me.
Being around and being present are to totally different things. Trust me. My toddler's mommy time alarm rings loudly when she hasn't had real time with me. The need could not be more clear. And, I am just wondering if I have missed the alarms of other people while merely existing in our relationship instead of being alive in them.
This summer is providing an great opportunity for me to Slow. Things. Down. Ryan's car died. He sold it and it will be gone as of this weekend, leaving us as a single car family. Now, it's not as bad as it sounds. The next few weeks will be a little crazy, but once Ryan starts his new position in our town, there will really only be two days a week that I will carless. I am not looking forward to this venture, but I can see it as an opportunity to do some home-work. I am making the choice to spin this for the positive. Here is how I am going to use this situation to my advantage.
First off, I have great neighbors. Liz and Katie could and will probably entertain me and my girls most days. This shows my daughters, and their kids, that neighbors can be dear friends. They will learn how moms can stick together (their husbands are interns at the hospital by our house, so they feel the "my husband works all of the time" pain). They will learn how fun and sweet it is to have girlfriends in their lives.
Secondly, I am going to do some cooking. I love to cook and bake, but the hour before dinner time can be crunch time. Kids are hungry, we are all excited to Ryan to come home, and yet someone has to be in that kitchen working away. I figure that I can do some food prep on my days at home. Chopping, washing, dicing, marinating - all these tasks can be done ahead of time so that I have more time to play in the afternoon when both girls need me to be really present.
Thirdly, I am learning once again the importance of being flexible. When I married Ryan, I married his dreams, his desires, his plans. I won't lie and say that I knew what I was signing on for, but I knew with whom I was signing. This dream of being a psychologist is sort of fogging and nightmarish right now, but I know that we keep getting closer to "things getting easier". I want a new car, a really nice new car with all kinds of neat things and tricks, but for now, that isn't going to happen. And, I have to be okay with that. By not putting up a fight, by not being bossy and mean about it, I am showing my husband that I am in agreement with the life he is leading. I could go get a job, put the kids in day care, and then we could afford a new car (that would be about all that we could afford after the daycare). But, that isn't what we want for our family. And, there is no slowing down in that idea.
What was this all about again? Oh, yes. Slowing things down. See, life is busy. You get thrown things you weren't expecting. Things get messy and complicated. So, what do you do? Do you get frantic and freak out? Do you shut down and shut out? I am going to try to avoid those messes and opt for a slow down. Maybe I should put up some construction signs around my life. Warning: Bethany at Work. Slow down or fines will double. Sounds like a plan. Who wants to go steal, I mean borrow, a few of those for me? Live life. Be present. Slow down.
0 comments:
Post a Comment