Identity Crisis

Remember how I told you that this play group thing was a big deal?  How it was more than about healthy play time for toddlers?  How possibly it was about me needing to have some work done?  Well, I was right.  And, I haven't even scratched the surface of it.  

Amongst 20 toddlers playing dress up, tooting a trolly whistle, stacking groceries, and scooping pretend ice cream cones, I got a sermon in seconds.  A friend that I have known for nearly two decades opened her mouth and out came truth.  I got smacked in the face with the reality of me, and that slap just kept rerunning in my mind all day long.  I couldn't get over it.  Because, as you might have guessed, I'm not over it.  

You see, I asked her child to come play with my girls one day last week.  She took some time to do some shopping and possibly just get some of that precious alone time that moms desperately need and rarely get.  I was so happy to help her.  My girls liked having a friend over.  To me, it was a pleasure to do.  I didn't really think a second about it.  

Being the kind woman that she is, this friend of mine immediately offered to return the favor.  I brushed her off, saying how busy my girls are, how Emery can't be trusted, how it would be too much work.  

Can you guess what this friend said?  She told me that I have an issue with being self-sufficient, that I always have to do things on my own, that I don't let people help me.  Wow.  How did she get into my head?  She cut right to the core of most all of my issues with that sermon of seconds.  For the next 12 hours, I mulled over what she had to say.  

That night, last night, I was listening to TD Jakes once again, and while I liked the sermon, I kept waiting for something just for me.  When the podcast was nearly over and my eyes were getting heavy, I heard confirmation of my issue.  Bishop talked about how my debt is owed to Christ, about how it doesn't matter who loves me on Earth, but that what really matters is who I am in Christ.  Slap, slap, slap.  

It just keeps coming back to this.  This is the lesson I keep hearing and fail to really learn.  Who am I in Christ?  I guess I am having an identity crisis and I need to find the answer.  I thought I knew, I thought my identity was in Him, but looking back I can see where I was wanting the favor of man, the love of man, the praise of man.  

God, you are my God.  There is no other before you.  It is my desire to be found in your will, to be the person who you know that I can be.  I want to be full and complete in you.  I want to look to serve you only.  I know that by doing this, all of my voids will be made full.  I trust in you.  I seek you first.  Thank you for my friend who spoke your truth to me.  Thank you for using her.  God, may this gathering of parents and their sweet kids continue to be a place where you are uplifted, where you light can be seen, where your love can be shared.  God, I continue to be excited about what you are doing.  Please continue to put people into my life who will hold me accountable.  Teach us to be true friends.  Thank you.  Amen.