Mom's Apple Dumplings

I'm a little teary-eyed looking at the recipe for these apple dumplings. I have them on an old card, hand-written by my mother, as a gift when I got married. She used to make them for us for dinner some nights when my dad had a meeting. We would eat them warm, out of the oven, with milk or cream overtop. My brother and I both just love these. Here is something to try as apples come into a wonderful season. PS Skip making the dough and use a frozen pie crust. I won't tell.

2 C. sugar
2C. Water
1/4 t cinnamon
1/4 t nutmeg
1/4 C Butter
2 C flour
1 t salt
2 t baking powder
3/4 C shortening
1/2 C milk

Make syrup by combining sugar, water, spices, and butter. Bring to a boil and cook for five minutes. Let simmer while making dumplings.
Make pastry by cutting shortening into flour, salt, and baking powered. Stir in milk and blend. SKIP THE PASTRY AND USE FROZEN PIE DOUGH FOR A REALLY FAST TREAT.
Cut pastry into 6 squares. Sprinkle with sugar, fill with sliced apples. Fold corners over. Put into a baking dish. Cover with entire amount of syrup. Bake at 375 for 35 minutes. Fall in love. For a real treat, eat while warm and cover with milk or cream.

When I Was 18

My niece, Lauren, turns 18 today.  She is such a joy.  I was only 12 when she was born, so she is part sister, part daughter, part friend.  I love having her in my life.  I enjoy going through life - ups and downs - with her.  Mean girls, boyfriends, high school, college plans, learning to drive - I have had the opportunity to digest life with her.

And, it got me thinking.  What was life like for me when I was her age?  What were my wishes, my fears, my hopes, my secrets?  What would the me today say to the me of then?  In my mind, I sit on my bed - old and new me- and old me says this to young me:

1.  What you do now really does matter.  The choices, they matter, big and small.  Not to make you feel more pressure, but that is the reality.  Who you date, who you allow to be your friends, where you go, how you spend your money, how you treat people, how you act in school - it all matters.  People are watching.  People remember.  And, so the good news is that making good choices will pay off.  And, if you need some second chances, there is room for those as well.  But life always seems to trickle down to its origin.  You will find yourself with these same people in your life again, so having them on your "team" will be a good thing.  

2.  While seeming to contradict what I just said about securing your foundation, be sure to branch out a bit.  You don't have to do what is predicted.  Just do what you love.  Go with your gut.  Trust your own instincts.  Sometimes we allow the voices of people we love and respect to mute the sounds our own souls make.  Adjust your sound and listen accordingly.  If you are not going to do your own thing, you will probably find yourself unhappy and having to start all over again.

3.  College is a big deal.  BIG DEAL.  Academically speaking, having that paper is essential.  But, there is much more to learn at college than what is taught in the classroom.  College is an opportunity to refine yourself.  You can leave behind much of the baggage of your old life and start anew.  I would tell myself to be more open to different people and different things.  I would have had more fun.  I would have taken myself less seriously.  

4.  First Love.  Gosh, that's fun.  What a time of life.  I spent a great deal of my first love worrying about it not lasting.  What a waste.  I should have just enjoyed it for what it was.  It was sweet, fun, exciting.  But, that boy did more than become my first love.  He showed me that I was lovable, that I was smart, that I was funny, that I had a good thing going for me.  My family told me this over and over, but that boy made me believe it.  And, no.  I didn't marry him.  And, I'm not sad about that.  Things worked out, for both of us.  You could have never told me this when I was 18.  I was set on that boy for life.  A few years later, it ended, and I was devastated.  All that energy, all that effort, all of that time - none of it went to waste.  The time I spent in that relationship, as with all relationships, had a major impact on me.  Part of my confidence, part of my sense of humor, most of my relationship skills matured during that time of life.  So, first loves can be great, even if they don't last forever.

5.  Don't party.  It's tacky.  There will always be mistakes, but drugs and drinking sort of ensure disaster.  Wait until you have kids, then you will really need a drink.  

6.  Sex.  Wait.  I know that I am SO GLAD that Ryan and I never have to compare anyone else with what we are working with.  The mind and the heart can go some crazy places, so keep life less complicated by holding off.  True love really does wait.  

7.  Priorities.  Get them straight.  During the last year of high school, you are going to be sick of most people and cling to your best friends.  Then, in a few months, you will have a dozen new friends, and a few hundred more by the end of that year.  Be kind.  Show love.  

And, this goes for your family as well.  When you are on the verge of more independence, it is easy to get annoyed and cranky with the old life.  But, when it all comes down, family matters.  They are there for life, all ages, all stages.  Love on them and let them love on you.

This seems so dumb, or stupid (which is now Avery's favorite word), now that I have written it.  Seems like I should have more exact and precise words of wisdom.  But, it's what I seemed to be consumed by when I was the big one-eight.  

Lauren, I love you.  I love your sense of style.  I love your confidence.  I love your ability to speak your mind.  I love how you remember things so well.  I love your creative side.  I love your tender touch.  I love when you do my hair and we talk about clothes.  I love when you make me Cd's and bring DVDs over to watch with me.  I love sharing my life with you.  Thank you for being you and for allowing me the opportunity to love on you.  Happy Birthday, girl.  

Just as You Are

Just as you are.  Isn't that the best way to be loved?  Isn't it wonderful to know that there are people on this earth who love, even like, you for just being you.  It is such a secure, empowering feeling to sense this, to have it be part of your composition, part of your existence, made of that kind of love and support.  It really does matter.  It really does make a difference.  

Knowing this, I, unfortunately, find myself wanting other people to live up to a standard that I have set for them.  Most of the time, this level of excellence is unattainable.  My vision for who they should be most of the time doesn't exist in reality.  Most of the time, I feel that I am too hard on other people.  

This is something that makes me sad about myself.  I noticed it about 1o years ago, mainly because Ryan pointed it out to me.  He suggest that I was setting myself up for disappointment and that maybe I should just love people as they are, simply.  Hum.  What a concept.  And, so I started working on that.  After meeting new people, I didn't analyze what they said or how they looked.  I stopped assuming things about people, stopped studying their every move.  I ceased to be so mindful of the worlds of other people and became more present in my own life.  Hum.  There's another great idea.  

Then, I became a mother.  My expectations for my girls are high.  And, a great deal of the time, they make the mark (Yes, I realize how awful that sounds, but I am being honest here).  But, several times a day I find myself rolling my eyes, wishing for silence, hoping to not have to wait out a tantrum, hoping that the word "stupid" will just disappear from my toddler's mouth, praying that I won't be consumed by my anger.  And I fail.  And they fail.  And, I expect and hope for their mercy, just as they do my own.  

And, I won't even bring God into this.  The guilt that I experience from a religious standard that I wish focused more on God's grace and mercy than on his hatred of sin, messes with my mind minute by minute.  We will save that subject for another entry.  

Therefore, I am trying to love people for being themselves.  Trying.  Really trying.  Be patient with me.

We all Have Bad Days

Nights aren't always pretty at our house.  We put our kids to be at 8pm.  We have a routine that we follow every night.  We sit as a family, plopped in front of the tv, watching a DVD, snacking on something semi-healthy.  This lasts for about 30 minutes.  Then, as a family, we march upstairs.  Ryan takes Avery in the bathroom for potty time and brushing of the teeth.  I start nursing Emery.  We read a few books, sing some songs, cuddle, put the girls in bed, and leave.  We have done this exact routine for months.  Most of the time the girls go to sleep within the hour.  They do lots of chatting, playing, and laughing.  As long as they are in their room being fairly quiet, we are okay.  (There are times of potty breaks, Avery taking Emery's clothes off, forgetting something, etc.  But, we try to avoid those at all cost and ignore most requests.)  

You would think that since this is our norm, that every night would go about the same.  At least that is what I think.  But we have some hiccups.  One huge, UGLY, awful night happened last week.  Avery flipped out, kept coming out of her bed, demands were coming like crazy, I was mad, Ryan was mad - it was bad.  Four hours later, she finally fell asleep.  Four hours.  It was exhausting.  Then, she got up at 5am.  What?

So, seeing that we were going to the pediatricians anyway, I asked Dr. Amy about this.  And, to sum up, she basically told me that I need to be aware that kids have bad days.  She suggested that if it was taking more than 30 minutes to "put her to bed" that I needed to try something new.  She suggested pulling Avery out of the room and giving her some special attention.  She thinks watching some tv for mom while holding a cranky kid for a while, just sitting quietly, just showing some love and support may really help.  That instead of forcing her and fighting her, that I should be loving her.  Hum.  Who would have thought?! 

I get so stuck in my routines that I fail to see that some flexibility might just be the cure.  See, kids have bad days, too.  I need to remember this.  I am working on it.