When I Was 18

My niece, Lauren, turns 18 today.  She is such a joy.  I was only 12 when she was born, so she is part sister, part daughter, part friend.  I love having her in my life.  I enjoy going through life - ups and downs - with her.  Mean girls, boyfriends, high school, college plans, learning to drive - I have had the opportunity to digest life with her.

And, it got me thinking.  What was life like for me when I was her age?  What were my wishes, my fears, my hopes, my secrets?  What would the me today say to the me of then?  In my mind, I sit on my bed - old and new me- and old me says this to young me:

1.  What you do now really does matter.  The choices, they matter, big and small.  Not to make you feel more pressure, but that is the reality.  Who you date, who you allow to be your friends, where you go, how you spend your money, how you treat people, how you act in school - it all matters.  People are watching.  People remember.  And, so the good news is that making good choices will pay off.  And, if you need some second chances, there is room for those as well.  But life always seems to trickle down to its origin.  You will find yourself with these same people in your life again, so having them on your "team" will be a good thing.  

2.  While seeming to contradict what I just said about securing your foundation, be sure to branch out a bit.  You don't have to do what is predicted.  Just do what you love.  Go with your gut.  Trust your own instincts.  Sometimes we allow the voices of people we love and respect to mute the sounds our own souls make.  Adjust your sound and listen accordingly.  If you are not going to do your own thing, you will probably find yourself unhappy and having to start all over again.

3.  College is a big deal.  BIG DEAL.  Academically speaking, having that paper is essential.  But, there is much more to learn at college than what is taught in the classroom.  College is an opportunity to refine yourself.  You can leave behind much of the baggage of your old life and start anew.  I would tell myself to be more open to different people and different things.  I would have had more fun.  I would have taken myself less seriously.  

4.  First Love.  Gosh, that's fun.  What a time of life.  I spent a great deal of my first love worrying about it not lasting.  What a waste.  I should have just enjoyed it for what it was.  It was sweet, fun, exciting.  But, that boy did more than become my first love.  He showed me that I was lovable, that I was smart, that I was funny, that I had a good thing going for me.  My family told me this over and over, but that boy made me believe it.  And, no.  I didn't marry him.  And, I'm not sad about that.  Things worked out, for both of us.  You could have never told me this when I was 18.  I was set on that boy for life.  A few years later, it ended, and I was devastated.  All that energy, all that effort, all of that time - none of it went to waste.  The time I spent in that relationship, as with all relationships, had a major impact on me.  Part of my confidence, part of my sense of humor, most of my relationship skills matured during that time of life.  So, first loves can be great, even if they don't last forever.

5.  Don't party.  It's tacky.  There will always be mistakes, but drugs and drinking sort of ensure disaster.  Wait until you have kids, then you will really need a drink.  

6.  Sex.  Wait.  I know that I am SO GLAD that Ryan and I never have to compare anyone else with what we are working with.  The mind and the heart can go some crazy places, so keep life less complicated by holding off.  True love really does wait.  

7.  Priorities.  Get them straight.  During the last year of high school, you are going to be sick of most people and cling to your best friends.  Then, in a few months, you will have a dozen new friends, and a few hundred more by the end of that year.  Be kind.  Show love.  

And, this goes for your family as well.  When you are on the verge of more independence, it is easy to get annoyed and cranky with the old life.  But, when it all comes down, family matters.  They are there for life, all ages, all stages.  Love on them and let them love on you.

This seems so dumb, or stupid (which is now Avery's favorite word), now that I have written it.  Seems like I should have more exact and precise words of wisdom.  But, it's what I seemed to be consumed by when I was the big one-eight.  

Lauren, I love you.  I love your sense of style.  I love your confidence.  I love your ability to speak your mind.  I love how you remember things so well.  I love your creative side.  I love your tender touch.  I love when you do my hair and we talk about clothes.  I love when you make me Cd's and bring DVDs over to watch with me.  I love sharing my life with you.  Thank you for being you and for allowing me the opportunity to love on you.  Happy Birthday, girl.