Just as You Are

Just as you are.  Isn't that the best way to be loved?  Isn't it wonderful to know that there are people on this earth who love, even like, you for just being you.  It is such a secure, empowering feeling to sense this, to have it be part of your composition, part of your existence, made of that kind of love and support.  It really does matter.  It really does make a difference.  

Knowing this, I, unfortunately, find myself wanting other people to live up to a standard that I have set for them.  Most of the time, this level of excellence is unattainable.  My vision for who they should be most of the time doesn't exist in reality.  Most of the time, I feel that I am too hard on other people.  

This is something that makes me sad about myself.  I noticed it about 1o years ago, mainly because Ryan pointed it out to me.  He suggest that I was setting myself up for disappointment and that maybe I should just love people as they are, simply.  Hum.  What a concept.  And, so I started working on that.  After meeting new people, I didn't analyze what they said or how they looked.  I stopped assuming things about people, stopped studying their every move.  I ceased to be so mindful of the worlds of other people and became more present in my own life.  Hum.  There's another great idea.  

Then, I became a mother.  My expectations for my girls are high.  And, a great deal of the time, they make the mark (Yes, I realize how awful that sounds, but I am being honest here).  But, several times a day I find myself rolling my eyes, wishing for silence, hoping to not have to wait out a tantrum, hoping that the word "stupid" will just disappear from my toddler's mouth, praying that I won't be consumed by my anger.  And I fail.  And they fail.  And, I expect and hope for their mercy, just as they do my own.  

And, I won't even bring God into this.  The guilt that I experience from a religious standard that I wish focused more on God's grace and mercy than on his hatred of sin, messes with my mind minute by minute.  We will save that subject for another entry.  

Therefore, I am trying to love people for being themselves.  Trying.  Really trying.  Be patient with me.