Family Vacation

This week marks one month until we head to the beach for vacation.  To say that it has been easy to get this trip planned would be a total lie.  There have been hoops, trust me.  The Armstrong family has grown from a family of five to now fourteen.  And, I know that 14 really isn't that many, but these 14 have lots going on - jobs, varsity sports, dance lessons, teething, turning three, building apartments, jobs, and jobs.  But, the good news is that it looks like it is going to happen, making me and my mama happy.  I guess I just want to talk about why I like going on vacation and what I have learned the past few years while traveling with my clan.  Here are some lessons that I have learned:

1.  We are all on vacation.

Getting back to the fourteen issue.  One thing I try to keep in mind when on vacation is that this is a vacation for each person.  Dads have got to be considered.  It is one of the few weeks they get off for the whole year, so if they want to veg out on the couch, fry on the beach, play BORING golf, or just surf the net, it is really up to them.  I shouldn't suggest things for them to do, they can do what ever pleases their hardworking hearts.  And moms, we get a little rest as well.  I think it is an adjustment to go from normal life to vacation life.  It takes me about three days to get in vaca-mode (a little drink in the afternoon helps, or so I have learned).  I am going to try to work this time around on easing up a little sooner, while TOTALLY KEEPING MY KIDS ON SCHEDULE SO THAT THEY SLEEP THROUGH THE NIGHT.  I see your heads nodding, moms.  Just keep telling yourself, "I'm on vacation".  And the kids, this is a special time for them as well.  They get to be surrounded by the people who love them the most in the world.  I know it seems like it is always about them, but they need a little vacation love as well.  What is my point?  I guess it is good to be aware of the fact that this is a vacation for everyone and so letting others do what they want, even if it isn't what I had in mind, is for the best.

2.  Small Groups.

If you know me, you know I love to plan and follow that plan.  But, that might not work for my siblings, their spouses, or even my parents.  It is my responsibility to keep my little family happy and functioning.  So, I have learned to make a plan for my family of four, do our thing, and include anyone else who would like to come along.  It is too much to think that a plan for 14 would ever work out.  Support the ideas of other family members, try new things, be flexible, but don't try to do everything together.  It just is unrealistic.  Be happy that you have the opportunity to be together for this time, but aware that you don't have to be all together all of the time in order for it to be a good family vacation.

3.  Focus on What you Love.

Since it is impossible to have the vacation of your dreams - everyone rises and sleeps at the same time, everyone eats all meals together around a big table laughing and chatting, perfect weather everyday, no one being annoying (like me and my planning), on and on - love what is available.  The following list contains a few of my favorite things about a family vacation:

a.  My brother being so excited about vacation that he is the first at our meeting place with a little belly ache of excitement.

b.  Talking for hours in the car.

c.  My dad making coffee and bacon early in the morning.  The early risers - Scott, dad, Ryan, Austin, and me - all up sharing a quiet morning.  Scott and dad read the paper, Austin and I sit on the couch and watch tv, Ryan scopes out the weather outside.  Soon little footsteps come out for more morning cuddles than they can handle.

d.  Playing in the pool with my girls all day while the rest of the family is at the beach (we all know I need my alone time).  Those hours of sun and the pool make me feel like a SUPERSTAR.  

e.  Riding bikes with my nieces and nephews makes me feel alive.  We ride around and around.  It is one of the most relaxing things on earth.

f.  Seeing my girls play and be taken care of by my siblings makes me get all misty.  Makes me want more kids so that they can have brothers and sisters like I have.

g.  Cracking up at Shelly cleaning the clean house, just in case.  

h.  Seeing my parents hug as they realize that they are lucky to have kids that love each other.  I imagine that is just a wonderful feeling.  

Okay, I'll stop.  I could go to "Z" but you would all be bored.  There is much more about teasing, eating, cheer leading, pool games, sneaky tricks, shopping, etc.  My heart is just excited thinking about it.  Yeah, so back to the lessons...

4.  Mind your Business.  

One big family is made up of lots of small families.  These small families are used to functioning on their own.  Give people some space.  Let people do their own thing.  You don't have to entertain, organize, soothe, provide.  Conflict will arise.  Someone will have a bad day.  Someone will get a work call.  Someone will miss a nap.  Someone will need a time out.  Someone will make a bad choice.  It's going to happen.  You just don't have to fix it.  Let the little family work it out on their own.  This helps to keep a little problem from becoming a mess of a huge problem.  

That's all I can think of for now.  To summarize, as in Cliff's Notes version:

1.  Let people do their own thing

2.  Drink before dinner to prevent that long day kind of feeling.

3.  Focus on your favorite parts

4.  "Mind your business, mama, mind your business"

I think I will read this again and again over the next few weeks to help ensure a good family vacation.  Wish me luck, as you might have noticed most of this is about me learning not to have to be in control all of the time.  I hope this helps you survive, I mean enjoy, your next family vacation.

Late Slip

So, I know, it has been two weeks since I have last posted.  Forgive me.  I have a few things going on and much on my mind.  I have so many posts that I want to write, yet they are just not making it onto the page.  They'll get there, eventually.  I guess I will start anew with vacation concepts.  Check it out

What a Day!

Ryan took today off, a rare, meaning nearly extinct, occasion.  We wanted to take the girls to the Pittsburgh Zoo as we are zoo members and want to make sure we get our worth out of our pass.  And, so this is what went on today, sort of in order as I can recall at this point in the evening:

1.  Emery was up lots last night with those darn two front teeth coming in (which, let me tell you, has made nursing real fun).  Her up = me tired.  Really, I must look like hell.  I am saying that because it is how it really must be.  I haven't slept a full night in 10 months people.  The skin and looking dull, the eyes not so bright...oh, this is for another post.  Back to today.

2.  Avery wakes up at 6am because she is so excited.  She wakes Emery up, and now we are all up.  Two wild and excited kids; two tired and cranky parents.  You've been there.  Not a pretty picture.  I told Ryan on the way over that I wouldn't have wanted to go to the zoo with us if I were our kids.  Good thing they forgive quickly.  

3.  We, along with most elementary school kids in the tri-state area, made it to the zoo by 10.  Wow.  I am going on every field trip that I can.  What chaos!  I have no idea how they kept track of all of those kids, even if they were dressed alike and wearing silly name tags.  Who votes for mircochips in our kids?  Me! Me!

4.  Having much fun at the zoo.  Kids were so good.  We decided to skip the down under part of the animal trail and head to The Strip District for lunch.  Love this idea.  

5.  On the way out of the zoo, we got the dreaded phone call from the mechanic.  Ryan's Jetta is pretty much a goner.  Engine is dead.  THIRTY FIVE HUNDRED kind of dead.  Ouch.  And, it's in Morgantown.  That towing bill should be great!  So, we're ditching the Jetta.  Now what?  A new car really wasn't in the plan.  Huge bummer.  I guess that money we had saved for vacation is going towards a new ride.  

6.  The Strip - total success.  La Prima and Enrico nearly saved the day.  

7.  Girls napped in the car on the way home.  Ruined my idea of the afternoon.  I wanted to make spaghetti sauce while they slept.  More about this later.  

8.  Ryan was upset about the car = can't stay home and think about it = Cabela's trip for a fishing pole for Avery.  Live animals in the am; stuffed animals in the pm.

9.  FFW to 10pm when I started making the spaghetti sauce that would have been done by now if the car nap hadn't ruined it all.  All is ready to go for tomorrow, only needing a few hours to simmer.  

I am totally exhausted.  Lots of ups and downs today.  Bed in a few minutes, please.  Emery sleep all night, please.  

Just Thinking about God

I have just been thinking about God a lot today, about who he is to me, especially right now.  And, I feel like I am setting myself up for failure with the post, as I know I won't even touch the entirety of God, but that really isn't my purpose for this blog.  I just want to talk a minute about God and what I am really loving about him right now.  

He's mighty to save (click here to hear a song by this title).  What does that mean?  Save as in save me from my sins?  Save as in save my life?  Save as in save me from _________?  Yeah, I guess all of that.  He is so mighty to save.  He is my savior.  And, what a sweet joy that is!  There is no condemnation.  None.  He loves me that much.  Amazing.  But, just today, he saved me from sadness.  I believe that God knew that I was sad today, that I needed confirmation that my life matters.  So he confirmed it.  Nothing like what I expected or from someone who I would expect to be shown love, but it was kind love non-the-less.  

He answers my prayers.  Well, he always answers, but maybe not with what I specifically had in mind (see above paragraph).  Sometimes he changes my heart or my mind, so that I can see how his idea, his plan is better, bigger, just much, much better.  He knows my needs.  He sees my hurts.  He understands my fears.  My God cares for me.  Just this week I have seen him heal, protect, preserve, prosper people for whom I have prayed.  And, he hears my secret prayers.  The ones I utter when I am on the verge of tears and screams because my day just isn't going so great.  He knows I fear losing a child, literally and figuratively. He knows that I am frustrated, scared, annoyed, tired, sad.  He fills me with hope and trust and faith.  He reminds me of who he is, and that perspective makes things better.  He brings people into my life to show me, to teach me more about his character, his love.  

To sum up, I just want to say a little prayer of thanks.  God, you are so good.  You know me.  You love me.  You care about all the facets of my life.  You are not far from me.  You are God.  You answer prayers.  And, you are mighty to save.  

So what do I do with this?  What is my response?  If God loves me in my current condition, if he cares about me, about my ENTIRE life, how does this change how I treat people?  Couldn't I be more sensitive, more caring, more concerned, more helpful, more encouraging, more supportive?  Couldn't I try to listen more attentively, be more patient, speak upliftingly, judge less, be more vulnerable.  Because to be honest, sometimes I feel like I am putting myself out there and no one really cares, no one is really responding.  Oh, pity party me.  Gosh, I bet God really feels this way.  He totally put himself out there, as in on the cross, and I am sure he was hoping for a bigger response.  I sure would be, wouldn't you?  

Love Bravely

There are many things that I hope to teach my children.  I want them to be polite, to speak for themselves, to follow dreams, to know how to cook, to be self sufficient, to appreciate family and the value of a dollar.  Adding to this list of practical knowledge is an attribute that I find a must - to be able to love bravely.  

We can't choose who we love.  It just happens.  You see a person, and they look different to you than all of the others.  You like the way they talk.  Both the sound of their voice and what they have to say is pleasing to you.  You want to spend your time, all of it really, with them.  You become willing to give up some of your own wants to please them.  It often feels as if there are magnets pulling the two of you together, as if forces your whole life have been working to make that connection.  We can't choose to not love them.  It just happens.  

And, sometimes, love doesn't happen in the easiest of circumstances.  Maybe you love someone who lives far away, who has different dreams, who comes from a difficult family, who doesn't have any money, who has made some choices that have lead to tricky consequences.  Maybe the person doesn't even love you back or just doesn't know how to.  It happens.  

Most likely my girls are going to fall in love, hard, many times, and get their sweet, little hearts broken.  And, I hope that I can teach them that being certain about how you feel towards a person is a really good thing, and that if they really love someone, then the risk is worth it.  

We all desire to be loved wildly, passionately, even, dare I say, senselessly.  But, do we love that way in return?  Does my love know undoubtedly that he is my dream?  Does he feel that my love is strong and thriving?  Do those magnets still pull us together?  Does the force still feel uncontrollable?  Does he feel that I love him bravely?  

Love is a risk.  And, what a story, what a life to lead, what a dream to make if I can still love that way.  Because I do have something to prove.  Because I do want to love.  And, I do want to be brave about it.  

Once a Mom

Once you become a mom, the whole world changes.  People become more human, stories become more personal, life becomes more complicated.  Every child you see, good or bad, beautiful or not, seems lovable.  And, every mother you see, well maybe not every mother,  is a potential friend.  Catty pasts, differing cultural or religious differences, parenting styles, marital status, economic ladder position, clothing store preference - none of these things matter much.  One mom looks another mother in the eyes and just knows -- she's held a sick baby, she's wiped tears, she's been up all night, she's had it and kept smiling and playing anyways, she's given up her idea of a fun day to appease a toddler, she's waited to hear the sweet sound of a baby crying after too long of silence in the crib, she's...she's... she's...The list just goes on and on.  Becoming a mom is like joining an amazing, exclusive club, and one of the major perks of membership is compassion.

And, when I heard about baby Silas (just click on his name to read his story), I found myself crying.  And, it took me a few days to figure out why I was hit so hard by this, why I was so emotionally involved, why I couldn't stop thinking about him and praying for him.  While I am sure that more will surface, I have come up with a few ideas.  

First of all, it brought up a lot of memories of Avery's birth.  While Avery didn't have anything nearly, nearly, nearly as serious as Silas, I could relate to the feeling of having your baby abruptly taken from you and rushed to the NICU.  I could relate to the waiting on and wondering when your baby would be returned to you.  I could relate to the scary and awful feeling of wondering if your new baby was going to be alright.  In fact, I think that this is the main reason why I can't stop thinking about Silas.  I was so busy, so trying to put on a good face, so hormonal, so tired, so scared those first few days with Avery, that I wasn't really present.  I suppose I allowed myself to emotionally respond hearing a similar story, even if it is nearly three years later.  

Then there's the question of why.  Why God would you let this happen?  What good is going to come from this?  Why does this baby have to struggle?  I wondered about Avery's birth.  Why was it so hard for her, for us?  What was really going on that we weren't being told by the doctors?  And, then there comes the questions like:  What will Avery think of her birth story?  What will she think of those marks that will be on her back for life from her delivery?  Would either of us be alive if we had lived in a previous time?  Parents must have these questions running through our minds constantly.  And, when we pray, when we beg of God for mercy and protection, and don't get the answer we were asking for, how do we then respond?  

I have to believe that even small struggles have meaning.  While I prayed for a smooth and easy delivery of Avery, I got just about the opposite.  The end result is still amazing, still wonderful, but not how I had imagined it would be.  And, I believe that something awesome is going to come from Avery's birth struggle.  Someday.  She has a special story and I am sure it will influence her life.  And, Silas, while we try to pray perfectly for you, we know that God has an amazing plan for your life.  Our words can't even touch the greatness that God has in mind for you.  Who knows how God is going to us this part of your life for His glory.  You are all probably already singing it, but I will go ahead and quote Sage Garth "some of God's greatest gifts are unanswered prayers".  

Lastly, I have a bit of a confession.  I worry.  Alot.  Deep inside of me, I feel that I would like to have another child.  (Ryan, on the other hand, is totally fine with two and never wants to have to cater to a crying infant again.) However, I keep thinking that there's one more little girl inside of me.  And, I worry that odds are against me.  I worry that I already have two really healthy girls and that there's a big chance of something going wrong if there's a next time.  Ryan studies statistics, we talk about odds and percentages all of the time.  I hear stories like that of Silas and I am scared.  Could I handle that fear, that worry?  Would it break me, beat me?  The things that I can imagine going wrong are just awful.  How selfish of a response is this!  Why is it all about me?  About my worries?  There is a young, sweet family facing such hardship and I am nightmaring about my own life.  But, I needed to be honest with you.  After all, most of you are in my mom club and have these same kind of thoughts, and honesty keeps me sane. 

And, so Silas, I am sure that there are so many people who have already been touched by your story, and one of those is me.  You have made me reflect once again about being a mom, about being a mom of faith, of hope, and of love. I was able to face some fears and confront some emotions because of you.  I don't know why this has happened to you or your family, but I am sure that you are going to be told stories like mine for years to come.  

Silas is still fighting to be fully well.  Join me in praying for him and his family.  I pray especially for his mom, as she is part of my club.  We are forever forged by motherhood.

Lemon Lover

I have never been a citrus girl until now.  Suddenly, all things lemon, lime, and orange are just lovely.  It all started with a Yankee candle and since then I have found so many great citrus things to enjoy.  I love the freshness, crispness, and color that citrus supplies.  And, it is a great time of year for those attributes.

The Yankee candle is Sparkling Lemon.  My mother-in-law brought it for me a few months ago, really when it was still chilly outside.  While she and my father-in-law played with the kids, I whizzed around the house dusting, scrubbing, and vacuuming.  When I was finished, I put a match to the wick and fell in love.  It smells like every lemon should.  My whole house filled with that fresh and clean smell, even in the girls room, which can often smell of old sippy cups, diapers, and baby dolls.

Then, about a month ago, I was in line at Giant Eagle.  The woman behind me loaded two six packs of San Pellegrino Limonata onto the belt.  They were the faintest yellow in the sweetest blueish-green bottles.  Being that I am always thirsty at the grocery store, these looked especially appealing.  I just had to try it.  When I went back a week later, I picked up one six pack of the Limonata and one of the Aranciata.  I am in love.  First I tried the lemon, delish and cold.  Really liked it.  Then, the orange - wow!  You really must try them.  They are pricey, but I don't drink alcohol, so this is my adult beverage.  

And, since I like the smell of lemons and the taste of lemons, why wasn't I using fresh lemons in my cooking?  I have added those balls of sweet and sour yellowness to some pasta dishes, and they have worked wonderfully especially with chicken and artichokes.  But, the real kicker, came this past weekend.  I wanted to take two fruit pies - a peach and a strawberry rhubarb- to a party.  I added fresh lemon juice to each and the fruit flavors just popped.  I had known about this baking "trick" for years, but never had fresh lemons on hand.  Now, I think I am going to have to make lemons a regular on my grocery list.  

Ah, summer, sun, and citrus.  Doesn't sound too bad to me.