Over-Thinker

Hi.  I'm Bethany and I'm an over-thinker.  Seriously, I am addicted to my thoughts.  I have been my whole life.  I recall my first obsession: the origin of my food.  I wanted to know where my mom had bought the food.  Did she get it at the store or from a farmer's market.  Could they trace back to the dairy where my milk was processed?  And, the real kicker, what did the face of the animal from which this meat came from look like?  Meat still bothers me.  I have had to learn to disassociate myself from the reality of its roots.  And, as I prepare meals for my family, make my cup of coffee, mix in my raw sugar, I wonder what the farm looks like, what the farmers look like, what the air is like in the place of their origins.  Confession number one of an over-thinker.

And, yes.  It gets in the way of my life.  I obsess over many things.  Here are just a few fresh from my mind this minute:

1.  Will Avery ever go to sleep quietly enough so that Emery can join her in their bedroom?

2.  Will this one car situation work out or am I too set in my ways to be flexible (thanks mom for letting me borrow your car when I feel the urge to go come on)?

3.  Will I ever lose these last 15 pounds?  I mean, really.  

4.  Just how awful will the 10 hour drive to the beach be?  

5.  Oh, here it comes again.  Will my kids ever share a room or will I have to share my bedroom with Emery for the next two years?

6.  Just how messed up are my kids going to be?

7.  Is the world coming to an end, because people seem to be really sad this week?

8.  Why is my alone time so important to me?

9.  Why can't I be more assertive?

10.  Will the chicken thaw enough?...oh, crap.  I forgot to take it out of the freezer.  Be back in one minute.

There.  10.  That's enough.  Trust me, there are more.  I suppose I find it impossible to rest my mind unless I am sleeping.  I am a good sleeper.  Once I am asleep, I am good to go.  Lights out, baby.  But, during the waking hours, there is no shutting down.  

Take the past 24 hours as an example.  Wednesday morning.  Up at 6:30am.  Morning feeding routine.  7am "playing" with the girls in their room turned into me cleaning out their closet.  I moved all of their hanging clothes into the "closet"/sewing room where Emery sleeps.  Four tension rods full of frills and pinkness all organized nicely.  I took 8 diaper boxes filled with hand-me-downs and out-of-season clothes to the basement.  Moved furniture.  Scrubbed floors.  Put Emery down for her nap at 9am.  Moved all of their toys into the new closet system.  Make Avery and Emery a small library in the closet.  11am took the girls to Target to get out of the house for an hour.  Noon.  Lunch and a quick dvd of Little Bear.  Nap time chaos begins.  I wanted to shoot for day 2 of the girls napping together.  After 45 minutes of nonsense, I gave up and put Emery in her closet room.  I needed the break.  2pm both girls are sleeping.  I go to the basement to clean and organize down there until 4pm when the girls wake up and I have to start dinner.  5-6:30pm dinner and family play time....bedtime at 8pm for the girls, movie time for Ryan and me.  Bedtime for us at 11:30.  6:15am girls are up and ready to go.  7am back up to play and finish cleaning the girls room.  8:20 drive Ryan to work....

Ryan calls it "Philling" around when I am like this, always on a project.  When I try to sit and let's say listen to music and relax, my mind starts racing with the millions of things that might better be done than rest.  Over-Thinking.  I think it's in my nature and in my nurture.  What's a mom to do?  And, you bet.  I can post pics of the girls room just as soon as Ryan gets around to hanging her ballet mirror, which will hopefully happen during this year.  It should be cute.