Mean Girls

At the grocery store yesterday, Avery was bullied for the first time.  

We pulled our cart up to the meat counter.  There a man and a 4 year old girl waited in front of us.  I smiled at the girl.  She looked right at Avery, bugged out her eyes, and made a nasty tongue-sticking-out-face.  I looked her dead in the eyes, she lowered her head.  I put Avery's face in my hands and whispered to her that she need not worry about the girl being rude.  And, that her response should be to smile and just look away.  You would think that since I caught the nasty brat, and I will call her this because she was being mean to my baby and I don't know her name, that she would stop.  No!  She went around her father to try to get around my back to make the faces at Avery again.  I moved my back to protect Avery and tried to distract my girls from the bully.  Luckily, the girl left with her father before the mean teacher in me had to come out.  

I told Avery I was proud of her for not making the faces back at the girl and for being kind.  I really couldn't be proud of myself.  I wanted to put that nasty brat in her place.  And, here I am the adult.  The mother in me was ready to protect not turn the other cheek!

That night Avery brought the girl up at dinner and we explained the situation to Ryan.  I told Avery that I wasn't going to let anyone treat her that way.  Ryan chimed in, in all his wisdom and reality, and told her that no matter how much we protect her, she is going to get picked on at some point.  He's right, once again.  This makes me sad.  I want to be able to protect her from all kinds of hurt, especially mean girls.

I was bullied by mean girls in middle school and even a little in high school.  I recall days of dreading school, of dreading life.  I have no idea why they picked on me, why they chose me to emotionally beat up.  I do know that who I am today would have said something to them about it instead of just taking it.  And, I have to wonder if there are girls out there who feel like I bullied them at some point.  This makes me really sad to think about.  How foolish of us to tear one another down just so we can feel better about ourselves. 

Ryan's right.  I can't protect Avery from meanness.  But, I can create a relationship with her where she can come to me when she feels sad or angry.  I can be aware of how she is feeling about herself.  I can teach my girls not be "mean girls".  I can...

And, so my offering today is about being mean.  Are you still a mean girl?  Do you still bully? Is there someone out there that you need to befriend?  Just wondering...